Jill Eras joins us today on Learning From Others. She helps entrepreneurs, individuals, and couples to explore their dreams to find out who they are to be more productive and happy. We talk about dreams, divorce, re-marriage and dancing the tango today with Jill Eras on Learning From Others.
- 0:55 – Jill’s Journey
- 5:54 – Transition Experience
- 11:51 – Problems encounter
- 21:41 – Learning from Jill
- 25:17 – This is Me
Learn more about this guest:
Podcast Episode Transcripts:
Disclaimer: Transcripts were generated automatically and may contain inaccuracies and errors.
Okay. Hey, it’s Damon Burton from learning from other dot comments today. Joining us is Jill Eras and her career of assisting others on their healing journey began at the time of her divorce in 2006. And once her moving forward in her life became a reality. She knew she had to follow her heart and assist others in their individual journeys for truth and joy.
Jen, thanks for joining us today. Oh, Damon. It’s great to be here with you. Thank you. So I always love these careers that have evolved from, um, you know, before we were talking, uh, kind of, we were offline, we talked about crisises and, um, it’s, it’s kind of great, you know, all these, some people like to identify it as a, a coach or a healer, whatever the terminology is, but it seems like those that are more legit in, in that field, they always evolve from their own personal situations.
Um, and I think that adds a lot of credibility to it. Thank you. Yeah, I really agree with that. I mean, I think it lends purpose to pain, but if I go through something, if it is of course my journey, but it’s also greater than me so that there might be something I can give back and contribute from what I’ve learned.
Yeah. So, um, why don’t you give us the, the, the elevator pitch on what it is that you do, and then we’ll kind of, we’ll kind of go from there and see how you got into this world. Yeah. So thank you for asking. I, I like to say I have gone backwards into my career. Um, I, yeah, I was always an actor performer and in my family, I felt like I didn’t belong in the family that I was this just bizarre amalgamation.
I loved theater and art, and I was attracted to planets and how they psycho spiritually speak to us as like a very little girl. And when I was going through my divorce and I had this talent for reading ecological birth chart, okay. A good friend of mine said to me, you know, you really should do this. You should help people show them their, their, their blueprints, their roadmaps, and, and be helpful.
And it never occurred to me that that was a value. And. But I did listen. There was something in me that was listening, that I was ready to start being more of me. And then I remarried in 2008 and I was really inspired at that time to start digging deeper with myself because my old behaviors were showing up in the new marriage and I was going to quickly destroy something that I really valued and loved.
And. So I, I was guided given the pathway of discovering dreams and how dreams are speaking to us in our own unique language, showing us who we are. So the things that I couldn’t understand about myself, I couldn’t understand why I was doing this or that. Cause I knew it wasn’t good. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t who I wanted to be, but I couldn’t get underneath it.
But when I met my first teacher, right, what’s your cabinet who, um, Really helped me understand that my psyche, my soul was trying to show me imagery of what I’m doing and how it looks to my soul, why I was doing it. What’s the pre-concert preexisting traumas and pain that I had buried that I didn’t know was there was effecting me in my life and my behavior.
And as soon as I started working with dreams, I knew that it was a calling. For me to understand and share that language and it intersected with astrology. And I’m not the first one. I mean, Carl Young is one of the biggest proponents in his writing and his life experience of the men Dolla, the astrological chart and the dream.
So it’s this rich terrain to explore. Who we are, why we do what we do, what are the preexisting conditions and how does it inform the life that we’re creating and how do we get to cocreate and the way that we really want to. So, you know, it’s just dreams saved my life and I’m so passionate about all of it that, um, I just, I had to do it.
And then I went on and did a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, because I also needed to understand. What the family system is, how did I get here? What is, what is, who am I, what cog am I in this machinery? And what are my choices? How do I stay in a family and also become me? So it’s all this quest for becoming more authentic that really drives me.
And I love being able to help people on their. Personal journey in their own way. My way is not going to be your way or the next person’s way, but we collaborate the way you and I just collaborate. I co I love to collaborate. I feel like I’m a midwife for the dream and for a person’s process. So that’s my, and then love and honor to do it.
So a lot of our audience, um, you know, our entrepreneurs and business owners. And so there’s, there’s understandably a lot of stress involved in that world. Um, and so we’ll kind of get into talking about that a little bit and kind of just transitioned to that. You had, I think it’s exciting. When people can follow their dreams, but at the same time, uh, it’s probably scary to make that jump into a new profession.
So what was your experience in that transition? Were you nervous or was it something that you just, you just accepted and went for it and you were comfortable with it? You know, I have this weird propensity for change and for embracing like. Jumping off a cliff and expecting a feather bed under me. So I’m a natural, I realized that I actually have a natural entrepreneurial spirit inside of me.
So that’s how I’m built naturally. And I think that my courage in that arena. Helps me sort of infuse it a little bit with other people, but there’s, you know, all different kinds of people with different experiences. You know, some people are slow, burn, slow build in their career, and some people try this, they try that.
Some, you know, it’s so personality driven and different between people that whenever I’m working with people, I’m really meeting them where they are to understand what, where are they with? Their own level of courage, their own level of risk. Can they take a risk? Is that, is that viable? Is it realistic? So while we want to reach for our dreams, we also have to have our feet firmly planted on the ground and really understand what our roots are to enable us to reach higher.
So we start wherever we are. If our roots aren’t that strong, we want to nurture the roots. And water them and feed them and become aware of what the roots are and grow stronger before we take flight. So as, as much as working with dreams and astrology can sound lady or new agey, from my perspective, it’s really about helping people become aware of the whole picture of themselves, like a holistic view to make better choices from that information really solid foundation of information about themselves.
So each person’s going to do it differently, um, that I, the courage to change. And especially I, if I may, I would add for men, it’s usually a little bit trickier because in our culture, men are really taught. You grow up, you go to school, you do this, you have career women have a little bit more of a flexible cultural mirror.
Right. So for men, when I’m working with men around their dreams and their unhappiness, perhaps in life, there is sometimes call to have more courage, to be able to buck the societal norm of I have this one career and that’s what I have. And I think millennials are changing that, you know, there’s more equality in relationship for millennials and I’m just, I’ve raised millennials.
So I’ve, I’ve watch it. Um, But, you know, there can be those differences in the journey and I’m always just kind of listening for what, how the person speaks their psyche and their, their fears and their concerns. And we address them one by one. I think it’s interesting how you had mentioned the, you know, some people that sound the, the, my, your profession might some flighty or new age, and I think it’s cool the way you described it, where, where it sounds like you don’t come to your clients and say, uh, we’re going to do this weird thing.
But what you do is you say, uh, you know, we’re going to do this thing. Some people think it’s weird. Some people don’t, and we’re not, it’s not written in stone, the path we’re going to go down, but it’s more like a tool for you to open your eyes and just open up the opportunity. And I think that’s, um, that will help bridge that gap for a lot of people that don’t quite understand that world.
Yeah, God, that was so beautifully said, thank you. I feel so well, I’ll send you the invoice later.
I would happily pay it. Yeah. It’s really true. What you said. I mean, it’s, you know, I’m going to meet the person where they are, and what’s really odd for people to experience is their feelings because that’s what dreams are really asking us to do. They’re asking us to go back and be humans. And have the feelings that we’re trying to banish.
So that’s where it feels weird. You know, in our culture, we don’t do that. We medicate, we overwork, we overexercise, we overeat. And we think that that’s normal and we all support each other in those behaviors. But inside of us, there’s this whole energy PS system that is dying to get ahold of us, to wake us up to who we really are.
So, um, It’s really a fascinating journey and people ultimately are mostly fascinated as we should be by ourselves. There’s nothing more exciting than uncovering pieces of ourselves looking under all of the rocks and the dark places in the blind spots too, for where things are hidden is. I mean, it’s like being a forensic detective in a sense, and it’s really fun.
You know, I think, I think one thing that touching on what you just mentioned about being excited about yourselves is I think one thing that’s contributed to, to personal happiness and career success in my life is being okay. Not knowing the answers. Uh, you know, if I don’t, um, you know, before I started my company years ago, I always knew that I, I would follow the entrepreneur path.
They didn’t know. Where that path would go. And I was okay with that. And so I think it’s important for a lot of listeners to just experiment and break things and dabble and evolve and find out what you like and, and just embrace wherever that goes until you hit that tipping point, where you go, okay. I found that thing now and then roll with it and sit instead of actively going, what is my thing?
What is it thing? And forcing yourself to try and find it. That’s so true. I mean, the thing is the problem that we often encounter in our culture. That’s anathema to what you just said is that families teach us to chase security and in chasing security, you have to start with the thing and then find happiness in it.
Instead of like, as though it were a journey of unfoldment and curiosity, where if I take one day at a time, I’m going to be okay. If I look realistically at myself, if I’m interested in engaging myself rather than being haunted or chased or fearful of not being able to survive or fulfill a family legacy in a certain way, then I’s the limit.
But that’s not how we are as human beings. I mean, as, as, as pack animals, we don’t behave that way. So our early childhood is so much about being in the packing and the family. And then we’re meant to go on, you know, the Buddha’s journey to wherever we’re being led for the answers that ultimately lead us back to ourselves.
And when we do that, then we get to be back with the family in a different way, in a helpful way. So it’s. It’s really complex, like what you said, you know, obviously yeah. Your family system had a different language. I think what I’m hearing, or you’ve had a really great awakening in your life early on in your life.
Around it I’ll send you my invoice. You know, I don’t, I don’t know the answer to that when I, um, I had a supportive family, um, but it wasn’t like, uh, the entrepreneurial spirit or anything. I’m kind of the black sheep in that respect, but I didn’t necessarily have anything crazy happened either. So I think I’ve always just, um, very confident.
And that’s, I guess the way I, I was fortunate that way, but, um, yeah. You know, one thing that you kind of touched on is interesting. So where I’m, uh, based out of salt Lake city, Utah, um, Utah obviously has a largely religious culture and, um, what I’m bringing up isn’t necessarily what I want to clarify is I don’t want to talk about the religion, but the religion breeds a certain culture.
So I won’t talk about culture. Um, yeah. Now, within that culture, the, the thing that’s, uh, about Utah, uh, the reason why it comes to mind is because where you had talked about there’s things inside of us, that your dreams want to tell us, and you need to explore those. And I’ve always found it interesting in Utah where, um, Where it’s so largely driven by a religious culture, but the people that find themselves questioning the religion, and I’m not here to say if it’s the right or the wrong religion, but for the people that do say, Hey, you know, this might not be for me.
Um, such a weird thing because it’s like a social suicide. If you go down that path. And so a lot of people can’t explore themselves, or there’s such a bubble where. Um, you can’t think certain things or charactErastics are attractive and other people, so then you, you Harbor these weird things that you think are fetishes, and then that manifests into weird things that otherwise wouldn’t, um, That’s all I got.
Yeah. That’s so cool because here’s the fetishes and all of that, all of these isms are the way we, when we don’t allow ourselves to become who we are, it oozes out in other destructive ways, right. It’s either destruct, mainly destructive towards ourselves, but then. We ultimately, all of those things are happening because we’re not allowing some natural process inside of us to be.
And it’s because of these mores and norms and, and dogma that some of us are born into in like the macro, like in a big global business environment or the micro of your own family. It’s almost constant everywhere that you know, who am I to me and who am I through your eyes? So it’s very, it’s this constant dance that we’re trying to figure out.
And that’s where the dream comes in to show us exactly what our soul thinks about who our, who we’ve become, what our persona has become in the world or the ego, or if you want to use that kind of old fashioned term. But this persona that we create to be presentable in the world almost never matches the soul.
So the dream wants to debunk that, but they’re going to be resistance because we live in a culture and we want to belong because if we’re alone, isolation means death. Ultimately, you know, it goes to that primal part of the brain that fears, death that see, that is trying to survive. The organism is trying to live.
So we’re like we’re fighting all these fights constantly, you know, that we want to live and we want to be accepted. And if that culture has this language, but that language doesn’t resonate with me, what do I do? Which is why I brought up the issue that men often have in trying to change careers or trying to have a career that may not be as culturally acceptable as in a perfect world where anybody could be anything.
You know, th that’s just not happening. I mean, there’s there sexism across the board. There’s there’s judgments coming back and forth all the time. So the dream brings us back to a place of self discovery and innocence to who we were before. All of that got imprinted. Yeah. Now w so when that imprint, when that imprinting happens, so we have, and other guests on our show who kind of works in a similar space as you, and in the way that he approaches it, he doesn’t go down the, the dream path, but the way that he works with his clients, As he tries to identify a specific day in life.
And this day is where everything happens, you know, or you, you become the man that you think you’re supposed to be, or the one that you’re supposed to be. So in your experience, do, do you identify with a specific day with your client or is it, you know, multiple things. Hmm. Um, I don’t think I identify with a specific day, although there are markers along the journey that show different openings.
We call them champagne opening days, right? Like that was a big piece of work that just shifted that there’s something that this person is now able to see that they couldn’t see before that they will ready. There’s a time where people are ready to engage a process for healing. In a different way than they were before.
So we celebrate the moments on the journey and on the pathway, noting where the resistance is and where the openings are and being aware of the growth that’s happening. Um, so I, you know, I’m very much aware of that, but I wouldn’t say cause every time it’s, I was just with a client before we started and she kind of got something and is ready for something that she hasn’t been ready for, you know?
It’s taken a little, it’s taken that work. And so it’s a celebratory moment, but everything for me is like layers of an onion. There’s always more, we’re always pulling back. It’s always, um, uh, search and discovery missions. But as we go, as we’re searching and discovering there’s, there are moments where we’ve been I’m much more conscious.
So as we’re raising our consciousness, Life starts to change and inner peace starts to become more of a norm. So I don’t know, is that an answer to answer to the question that works for me
as you were talking? I, I was reminded of the, you know, I have kids and, and I was reminded of the movie inside out. Have you seen that? Which one is that I think I’ve seen it. Yeah. It’s a Pixar movie. And then there’s like this 12 year old girl and, and it goes through the different personalities in her brain and all of them have.
I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard about it. Yeah. My kids are older, so I missed that one. Yeah. Uh, you know, it’d probably be interesting for you to see, regardless of, uh, you know, the kid age thing. Um, because it’s when I saw it, it was a great movie. It kept my attention. Um, and obviously entertain the kids, but I, there was a lot of psychological touch points in there that I caught on to that you would probably find interesting as well.
Okay. I got to catch that. What, what did you think that stood out for you? That it, it was just, um, it, it was just a really great script that walks through, um, you know, what goes on in somebody’s brain, but it did other in a playful way. And it, it made a lot of sense when you look at, if you, if you remove yourself from the entertainment factor and just look at what the objective of what the movie was trying to present, it did a great job.
Oh, that’s great. That’s great. And there are so many parts of ourselves, but for me, I always come back to the soul, which for me, and what I’ve come to understand is made of the little boy and a little girl. So it’s the masculine and feminine, but it’s an it’s innocence always wants to come up and be the heart center of our existence from that tender.
Um, feminine and masculine integrated in the sense wide open eyes, you know, curious place. So when dreams start to bring us closer to that part of ourselves, all the parts start to integrate in a really helpful way. From what I see. Now, now kind of, not too far off the topic of a movie, um, you had mentioned acting when we first started talking.
What, so was that your profession before this one or, you know, I was, well, not really. I mean, when I was a kid I always performed and I got myself a manager and performed in New York city and, um, But got really scared. I didn’t have support for it not, it was not my family’s fault, but they did not support me, but I felt very frightened to do things that were not a part of my family’s story that I wouldn’t, I didn’t know at that time of my life, I was not aware of how to handle my mother’s anger.
So that was a big place for me to work through. So I left performance behind. Even though I was where I was working and I had representation and it was really, you know, and I made it happen, but I didn’t trust myself at all. And I spent a lot of years. I mean, I, I got married very young and started having children in my twenties, which I’m very grateful that I did.
Um, and in that process for me, because I didn’t have an intact self. I was very lost. And as I grew more mature into my thirties, I started to wake up and I started to go back to singing, to dancing, to acting, not professionally in community theater, um, locally, uh, for me and started to remember that there’s this whole other part of me that, that I obscured and abandoned.
I’ve really abandoned myself. So, um, I’m still very much, I love to perform. I love to speak and present on dreams. Um, I’m actually more comfortable to be on a stage where everybody’s dark and then I leave and I have dinner with just a couple of people. I’m not good at parties. So it’s a, this is great. The one-on-one, but I’ve learned, I’ve learned about me.
Like it’s so curious to me to be a performer yet. Be very shy. So, you know, I’m probably, you know, I could see revisiting it again in my life. I can actually relate to that because, um, I worked on air and radio for seven years and here in salt Lake city, which is, is a, I dunno, a market. It is now, but it was around a market 31 before, which, which is a scale of, you know, how big your audience is.
And that’s a reasonable size, uh, audience. And, um, I’m I, I wouldn’t quite say I’m shy, but, um, I don’t care to be. Extra social in certain environments. Um, so it was funny to be on radio and then people that would find out later, but that weren’t immediate friends and family. Um, they would always comment on how interesting that was because I was so quiet.
So, so I guess mine isn’t, isn’t the shyness versus outgoing. It’s more of a animated versus quiet. Uh, but, but I totally get what you’re saying. Yeah. It’s a weird sort of like thing I’ve actually come to just appreciate. This is me. It’s not going to change. And you know, one thing when I was a little girl, I always used to have this little mantra.
I didn’t realize it was a mantra, but in my head it would go. There’s a reason for me, there’s a reason because I was so confused by my environment and how I didn’t fit in. So now I’ve come to understand that. Okay. So I really do love to be on stage. That’s like my, my heart’s open. Um, and I love intimate gatherings and relationships and I am not a good small talker.
Yeah. Yeah. Now is that because you’re not good at it or because see, my problem with small talk is that sometimes I go, okay, this is. I acknowledge that it’s small talk. And so I go, I don’t really care.
I don’t know. I guess I could do it. What happens to me is I find that I’m utterly drained by it. Here’s the unnatural to me. This is the stuff I like to talk about. I want to talk, or I want to know who people are. I want to get underneath the stuff I don’t, you know, it’s fun to talk about movies or televisions.
You know, that’s all, I don’t want it. I’m not judging it. It’s just, and I like to listen, but I don’t find it. Okay. I have that much to add to those conversations because I almost. No, I don’t allow myself too much of the, um, the mind numb of the TV or no, I don’t over listen to the news. I, you know, I know what I need to know, but I really try to know that my work is to stay with myself, to be on my path and to be as much of me as I can be to offer that.
Oh, so then maybe if it’s meant to be that way, I could offer some assistance for. For healing and not be a part of the problem. Yeah. That there was, um, I’m going to totally slaughter this, but there was an actor. Um, I want to say that I read about last year or so that he was playing the part of a mute.
And so to get into character, he, he, he acted like he was a mute in real life and he did it for, I want to say like a week. Um, yeah. And then when he was done with that week, he realized that everything that we say is, is so stupid.
Yep. Look at that. There’s a lot of stupidity going on within myself around me. And that is, that is really true. So finding the silence, that’s why I think I love mantra work too, because the mantra, when you finished working with them, I don’t know if you know, like about mantra singing or any of that. You do Sanskrit, you know, it’s like it’s prayer through singing through your, you know, opening your throat and allowing energy to come through you and an open you when you’re done.
You’re like the silence speaking so loudly in return. And it’s like that with a dream too. It’s like when I’m walking through the landscape of a dream, I am not going to bring my voice into that dream. I’m listening. To what’s happening in between in the silence. So where the silence is, where the wisdom is.
I think I feel so it’s. Yeah. It’s very interesting. Yeah. So why don’t you help our listeners better understand how you do what you do? So if somebody comes to you and says, I need your help, where do you start? Yeah, well, you know, I usually have a 10 or 15 minute conversation on the phone with them to see what’s happening, um, to see if, you know, if I’m the appropriate kind of practitioner for them, right?
Because sometimes people need a different, maybe they need medical care and that wouldn’t be appropriate for me. So I like to get really clear and assessing, and then, um, you know, explain my process, which is. We just start you come in or we meet on FaceTime or Skype or sometimes zoom. It depends on how close we are to each other, but Mmm.
Sometimes people will want to start in, in, in so many ways. Sometimes somebody comes in to see me and says, I really want to look at my birth chart. Can we look at that together? And then we do, and it will lead to it’ll create the inroads to the next place. You know, I find that because what I do is so sensitive and so vulnerable and personal that people need to, to sniff around and make sure that I’m a person they want to get close to in that way that they want to share those things.
So I’m really sensitive to that, to the tenderness and the vulnerability of this work. And sometimes people contact me because they have a ton of dreams and they they’re so curious. They don’t know what to do. And sometimes people just have heard that I’m really good at listening to stuff. And helping guide people through their story.
So basically what I’m saying is, wherever you are, is where I’m going to meet you as long as I’m the appropriate person for you. Because I do not hold a license in my state. I chose to keep my work on the esoteric path and not have a license that is which I very much respect, but that’s not my pathway.
So I just really explain that I’m just going to be there with you, however you need me to be, and I’m going to guide, and I’m looking for the openings. I’m looking for your process. I’m looking for, for what you, if we’re, especially, if we’re working with the dream, what you are trying to teach you and present that, holding up a mirror so you can see what’s going on there.
And then I, you know, off we go, yeah. How long of a process is it that you usually work with somebody? You know, there’s one person in my practice for like, since I began over 10 years ago. Um, there’s some people who come for a few months, you know, it’s really whatever a person needs. Often I train people, especially if they’re curious about dreams, how to.
Understand and work with themselves. I mean, that’s really the ultimate goal is that you come to a point where you’re like, Oh, I get where this is going. And I know how to feel into this and work with this myself. And that’s where that’s great. And then sometimes people just, you know, myself, I’m, I’m a longtime member of, you know, all of therapy that, that supports me.
I mean, I need that for myself and my life, a mentor. A therapist, like person to love me. He challenged me, support me, be the person who’s outside of my life yet in it. Um, so it’s very individual and I don’t have any one particular, um, prescription for, for everyone. Everyone is different and has different needs.
And. The one thing that I would say is that when I find a person wants to come and doesn’t come for a couple of months, then you know that where it’s erratic. And then I say, I don’t think I’m being helpful. Let me help you find the right person for you because initially some consistency is, is very helpful.
If we, if we’re working process, we’re not just sitting here, you know, enjoying each other, we’re here for a purpose. We’re here to help you find you. It requires a commitment in the early stages. For sure. So I I’ve heard of, uh, a funny quote. I don’t, I don’t know. I honestly don’t remember where I want to say.
Um, I read it on Reddit. I don’t know if you’re familiar with website Reddit. Um, So there was, it was some sort of AMA ask me anything thread and, um, whoever, whoever they were talking to, it was, it was somebody in psychology or something. And, and what was interesting is, uh, the conversation evolved into people basically saying people that come to a therapist or a coach or a mentor, and are, are the people that say they are not crazy.
Are the crazy ones. And the people that say they are crazy are not crazy because they acknowledge that they got something going on and they want to talk about it. Yeah. Well, it was funny when I went to graduate school, I said to my husband, I said, I I’ve resisted this my whole life because I know that therapists are crazy.
And I did. And I was like, here I go. I guess I’m admitting I’m crazy. Although, like I said, I’m not a licensed therapist, but you know, I just think we’re all on a spectrum of humanity. So. What is crazy. I mean, that’s, you know, what is normal? I don’t know. There’s just a spectrum of living as long as it’s not dangerous to others or oneself living, you’re walking to your own beat and finding your tribe to join you and join in with them.
I mean, that’s really what it’s about. So what’s crazy to me. It’s not crazy the next person and vice versa, like, you know, there’s all kinds of lifestyles and ways to be, and to think and feelings to have that. Mmm. I love that this world is full of such incredibly unique, uniquely designed creatures and that, you know, whenever I get to meet people who are, you know, more exceptionally different from my perspective, the better for me, because I get to learn.
See through that person’s eyes. I get to see what the dreams are doing with that person, how they’re guiding them. And I mean, for me, you know, I’m always a students as I’m with a person. I don’t know that person is a book I’m reading with them. So there is no, for me, there’s no crazy as long as the person’s not harmful to self or others.
And if they are, I direct them to medical attention. Right. Yeah. And. I am as a human being. I love diversity and. I’m very curious. Wow. So you had explained it this about after your first marriage and now you’re in your second marriage and it sounds like your husband’s very supportive, but it almost sounds like, um, this process of your career.
Evolved at the beginning of your marriage. So what’s the before and after of your husband’s take, did he say, yeah, you are crazy. And now does he say crazy or does it,
that’s such a good question. I mean, you know, couple come together in my opinion, because we’re attracted to each other in a certain way. That’s both the good and the bad, right? There’s the way that. What that a sexiness to chemistry to our relationship. But then as time goes, by the way, we’re pathologically linked with each other.
It’s inescapable. I mean, we don’t know it, but we know it and we’re pulled like magnets towards it. Right? So in this marriage, when I really, we got married fast, we married after five months of knowing each other. Would you think people getting married for a second time, wouldn’t be as. But impulsivity is the gift of the entrepreneur, maybe.
Um, but I also realized that we kind of threw each other in, at the deep end with each other, because as crazy as we were about each other, we can also leave each other that fast. So the marriage vowel like anchored us and there was so much at stake and it’s forced me to look for myself. What is it about me that doing this with you?
I’m not going to blame you. I’m going to take, take responsibility for myself for the first time life and feel my feelings and look at my stuff and look at my crazy. And I learned how to role model that, you know, a lot of that is also like recovery, like 12 step Alanon stuff. That’s available to everybody.
And everybody, you know, this is a sweeping generalization, but codependency is like the undercurrent of the world. You know, we see it in politics. We see it everywhere. And we could talk about that another time. But for me taking full responsibility for me, I learned that because the marriage was at stake.
I saw my crazy merit and my husband ready to break it down. And it’s a day to day events. It’s like one day at a time. Little by slowly, all the slogans apply here to me being accountable for me. And even when I’m sitting across from a person I’m always checking in with myself because intimacy is into me.
See into me. Uh, now I didn’t make that up. That that goes, you know, credits go to other people who I can share with you in the future. And it taught me anywhere. I go there, I am, I could leave this marriage. The next marriage is going to be the same thing. If I don’t do the work, I have to do work of getting to know me.
So he has, I have to say my husband’s name is Andy. I know he won’t mind me saying, and he and I have been on this journey together, learning side by side parallel processes that often intersect and then move away and they come back. But we’re really grounded and knowing that we’ve each taken responsibility for our part, that as much as we feel triggered to blame each other, that that’s not where the love is.
That’s where the separation that’s where, um, that insidious sickness can be. If I don’t take responsibility for me in my life. Do you find, so you, you had commented that you saw the crazy and your husband’s eyes, and then he started to realize, um, you know, things were about to repeat. So do you find that when you work with people, there’s usually a common frequency of repetition where they go, where things click and they go, wait a second.
I think I’m the common denominator again. And I mean, I’m sure it’s all across the board, but does it seem like there’s some sort of consistency to the. Frequency before people realize, Hey, I might be contributing to my problems. Yeah. I mean, that’s a lot of what I point out in this room that I’m in right now, too, with people that there’s a repetition compulsion going on.
So we’re just like an astrological chart or the dream or family system. We’re looking at patterns. How do the patterns perpetuate themselves? And are you ready now that you’ve seen the patterns for the hundredth time in conversation with me? Are you ready to be the change? In the pattern of you, are you getting ready to jump out of the hamster wheel?
Because it takes courage. If you, we have to develop our courage to want to get off and to get out and to break it. So while we’re looking for the pattern and understanding how it functions and why we do it. So we’re uncovering a blind spot. We’re also working on the self-determined courage required to do it.
So while crazy looks crazy and feels crazy. I’ve also, I understand is I see the crazy reflected back to me that it’s been serving a purpose. Like this is our dance. This is the love that we are familiar with. This is the way our families did it. So we’re doing it the same and it doesn’t feel good, but it does because it’s familiar.
Okay. Gather, we’ve learned that. We have an opportunity to create a different life, but it means leaving our past behind us. Yeah. And that’s probably really hard for some people to separate from that familiarity. It is. I think I do this work because it’s excruciating the heart for me. I mean, I think we always teach the thing we need ourselves.
And for me, you know, the pain of letting go of the past, recognizing it, not perseverating on it, because when I do I’m schlepping it forward, like big bags on my back and thinking that I could somehow possibly change it. And I can’t, there’s nothing. That’s the trick of pathology. The blind spot wants us to believe if I think about this enough, eventually it’s going to change and that’s just.
Could you think of a bigger line than that? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it’s this kind of off topic, but it’s funny. I got this note here from my wife, um, and it made me laugh. And so I’m going to share it. I’m going to share it. So last night I was at Nestle. I was at this conference last night and so I didn’t get home till late.
And so like my family’s my world. And when I travel, they come with me, but this was like a local event. And so I just drove, but I got home late, like 10 o’clock at night. So I come home and I got this note and it says, Damon. I love you. You love me. Sorry, but the house is still not clean.
That’s awesome. Um, so let’s kind of shift gears. So we kind of get towards wrapping this up. Um, you know, you had talked about this is our dance. And so, so speaking of dance, I had asked offline, you know, what you’re into and in your downtime. And I like how you said how you said that she said I’m passionate for dancing, especially the Argentine tango.
I love all that in dances, but this one is the bomb.
That’s my favorite quote ever. Yeah. Argentine tango. Oh my gosh. Have you ever seen it now that I am so far detached from the dance world? Yeah, the dances. Especially, um, partner’s Latin dance. It’s, you know, each dance is a different storyline in a romantic relationship. You know, it starts, you know, with like the flirtatious Chacha, it goes to the more sexualized Rumba.
Then it goes into this angry sort of pass Adobe play. Where are you? I can’t stand you, but Argentine, tango, any tango is essentially just walking. You’re walking with your partner. That’s it. If you can walk you contango. So it’s simple. It’s how do I create a circle of energy where I am me and my partner is himself or herself.
And we create a container of love and safety where each person can be who they are. And we walk together yet separately because I get to decide what I’m doing with my body. I’m going to flip my legs, or if I’m going to stop or you’re going to try to leave me, am I going to agree with you? So if one plus one becomes one, does that make sense?
Becomes the one. So we are meant to be the ones, but to know our individuality within the ones. So ours just hang tango, embodied that. And, and it brings this incredible sensuality where the two people, they know who they are, they resolved their existential pain and they are loving and sexy and sensual and relatable and walking through life together.
My wife, my wife, my wife, watches, dancing with the stars. And anytime I get sucked into watching it with her, I always find it interesting when, um, the paired couples end up, ended up dating. And I think a handful of them have even been married. And, and I think it’s like this interesting. This interesting, uh, equation, because like you mentioned, the sensuality and sexuality and, and it’s, it’s really obvious that you could see how people could fall into that attraction in that environment.
And so, conversely to that, I also wonder what the people that are already married think when they know that too, and their spouses going into that environment. Yeah. Well, here’s the thing about it. I mean, If you do the dancing and you and your partner, and you’re happily partnered, you go into it, knowing you’re playing a role, you kind of bring up your actor.
You know, I’m going to experience this, but I’m talking about like, when I think about the dance and what it was meant for like the story. Cause I love, you know, I love the story. I love mythology. The dream. Tell the story at all is it’s a storyboard day to day with dreams. So the dancing is the same thing.
It’s how do I want to tell the story? So two people can engage in the dance and have it not be personalized. It’s just, just like with anything. I think it’s your intention. You know, I mean, when I was, after I had my first divorce and I was dancing, I started dancing it. I had to really work with myself and understanding this dance partner is not my life partner.
If he’s helping me get in touch with feelings that are, have been buried. So I worked with, like, I had the consciousness at that time to say, it’s not about him. This is all about me having feelings that was dormant for decades. My own creativity is coming up. My own sexuality is coming up and I’m coming alive.
I’m like a flower that’s starting to bloom, but wasn’t about him. But sometimes people are very lucky and they do, you know, you can be partnered in so many ways, you know, whether it’s business or music or art or sports, like there’s so many ways that. Couples find their couple of them. Um, it’s all about the intention and bringing consciousness to what we’re doing.
Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. Yeah. Now kind of one of the last things that I had asked offline is, you know, what, what, um, are some of your career successes that you’d like to have brag about? And I, I liked how you reply because it was kind of a first, um, and he said, bragging is not allowed in my work. And I think that makes a lot of sense for your profession.
Um, so I liked how you said you can’t take credit for the healing process that’s between the individual and their. Creative source. So you take the role as a facilitator and then just let them do their thing.
Well, cool. Um, Jill, I appreciate your time. Uh, before we let you go, why don’t you give our audience, um, tell them how they can get ahold of you, a website, social media, whatever you want. Yeah. Um, the website is my name. Jill Eras, E R a s.com. Um, across the board. That’s my social media everywhere. If you Google my name, that it all should come up, but if you go to my website, it’ll connect you to all my social media.
Um, I have, my email is JillErasdreamwork@gmail.com. And I mean, I can also give you a phone contact if you’d like, that’s actually, yeah, if you want to put it out there, you can put it out there for sure. It’s two zero one. Three seven zero four zero six three. And feel free to call with a question or, you know, text.
I love to meet people and talk about this work. It’s really a privilege to do it. Super cool. So very, very last thing. We don’t tell our guests ahead of time. Uh, we do a random question generator. So, um, I don’t know what’s coming, but your question to me was just a funny, some of them are funny. Some of them are pretty blah.
Some of them are currently. Um, so yours is, would you rather not be able to use your hands or not be able to walk?
Oh, would I rather not? I don’t know. I use my hands so much. Um, I’d rather not be able to use my hands. If I can walk, I can dance. That makes sense. You know, I’ve said this before. Um, my list, my listeners will have known I’ve said this, but I always find it so interesting. The. It’s a totally random quote.
It’s literally a website I go to and I just hit random button and every time there’s a direct correlation. So like you and walking and dancing, and they’re the most bizarre questions. And every time there is this direct correlation to the guest. Yeah. That is really interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jill, it’s been a pleasure.
I appreciate your time. Thanks for joining us. Thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure.